Heartbreaker

I would like to tell you vaguely about some bad fortune I had tonight.

It's been a slow week. I've mostly been watching movies and TV, with the exception of testing the new Transformers ride at Universal. But I have been vigilant, submitting and emailing for gigs all along.

Earlier today, Sweet Tarts and I decided we wanted to attend a preview of an upcoming summer movie. We didn't know what we were going to see, hoping it was the new Spider-man, but we knew we'd at least get four movie tickets for attending. It was down near Long Beach, and we left downtown LA around 5. An hour later, we got down there and had to go get in line to fill out paperwork and get our tickets. In order to get into the screening, we left our phones in the car, otherwise they wouldn't let us in.

The preview started around 7. It wasn't Spider-man, or anything worth mentioning here. It was not a very good movie, and I can't tell you what we saw until July.

After the movie, we filled out a survey on what we thought about it and collected our free tickets. It was late by then, around 10, and Sweet Tarts was needing to go to a nearby store, but we went by the car to get our phones first.

I collected my phone and, reader, would you believe I had two missed calls from the one of the top casting agencies in Hollywood? They had called and left a voicemail at 6:58pm saying I had been selected as a photo double on a TV show shooting all next week and needed me to call back in a few minutes to confirm. The production had picked me out personally from hundreds of photos at the casting agency. I would basically be doing stand-in type work for one of the main actors.

I listened to that voicemail and lost it. I collapsed on the ground in a frustrating burst of energy knowing it was too late, and the job had went to someone else. Sweet Tarts was confused and concerned, and I have since apologized for my behavior. But think about this.

All I've done this week is submit, call, and email to make something happen. To be on any show, any role. I've had my phone right beside me phoning and waiting to be phoned. Then, almost to the very minute I have to separate myself from my phone, I get a nice, lucratitve opportunity calling? And I miss out on this watching a shitty movie?

This business is heartbreaking. It has bad timing and depends on readiness. To lose out on this hurt badly. It was just a photo double job, but what a tremendous amount of experience and confidence that would have brought. I've been out here two years and never have had something like this.

When I met and shot something with the actor Rance Howard a year ago, he emailed me afterwards warning that my heart would be broken out here, and I would need a thick skin to make it. Sweet Tarts reiterated saying this job wasn't what God wanted me to do right now.

Sweet Tarts and Rance are right, of course. I was just surprised how it affected me. The past few weeks not booking any acting jobs made it all the more heartbreaking.

I'm still upset, but I will be fine and keep going. Know overall I'm having a blast, even if I have difficulty conveying to you the relevence of one gig over the other.