Notes #2

Confidence Is Key

There is something about me that makes people want to have a go at me. I seem to bring out aggressive and war-like behavior from my peers sometimes.

Today at the "9 to 5", I was sent to a food cart to help with some new hires. About all they knew was how to clock in and ask if they could help you. I show up. I move things around. I get food prepared. I call in orders. I move the line. I do my job.

Then, I told one of them what to do. The kid stopped, broke the momentum, and asked, "Why do I need to do that?"

I ended up doing that (and more) while he stood there. It wasn't an instance that set me off, but it made me think. There is something about my demeanor, my persona, that after a while, seems to get to people I'm around. There's some sort of mentality I instill in people that makes them want to challenge me, to stand their ground.

For example, I can say, "I love that team." Then the person I'm sitting next to at the bar turns to me and loudly replies, "Are you kidding me? That team sucks! I like so-and-so!" And odds are, it's a team I don't like. Confrontation ensues.

And even if the guy at the bar liked the same team I like, there will be something about the way I proclaim it that would make them go something like "Yea, but why do you like them so much?"

This is good and bad. I like people challenging me. I like people who are smart, tough, thick-skinned, feisty, and not easy to sway. I think I get all the opinions on the table quickly when around people. Why is that? Is something I can fix? Do I need to fix it?

Our attitude and behavior effects people around us. Confidence is key but only a moderate amount. You don't want to mow down everyone in your path just to show how strong you think you are. It's not talking louder. It's not puffing out your chest. It's not making grand gestures. It's not even writing longer blogs. I've misunderstood this, thinking people need to see all this to know my strength. Negative. That just got them going - to the point they can turn against me.

What I need to do is be settled within my own inner strength. It is trusting in your beliefs and thoughts, even if it's something you can only prove to yourself. That, in tense moments with people, there wouldn't be an urge to lash out with quick words and action. Instead, it would be me comprehending the situation for myself and deciding if it's even worth it to let my thoughts into the universe. This would cut down on my abrasive behavior that has alienated me from important people all throughout my early life.

I mean, why feel you need to let other always know about it?

Everyone wants to be heard and understood. But perhaps being at peace with your own thoughts is more important. That is my definition of inner strength.

Take a Picture of... Something That You're Not Sure Of

I've been looking and debating photographers since April, and I finally chose one. I got a recommendation from a close friend in the entertainment biz. After a bunch of phone calls and several missed in-studio visits, I finally met and talked with the man this afternoon. I'm shooting in a couple of weeks. He was very professional and seems like someone comfortable to be around. What was the most important thing was he had a creative spirit and was only interested in shots that would BOOK WORK.

Right now, my Facebook has a bunch of "point and shoot" headshots that have worked few and far between the past two years. By the end of the month, there will be something new. I can look at myself and again start to visualize myself on a set again. Perhaps. More work to be done.

If interested, the photographer's site is here. http://www.michaelroud.com/

Vacation: All I Ever Wanted

I know a lot of people that deserve a vacation, and I'm one of them.

I refuse to go back home to Alabama to visit until I have enough materials to compete for auditions and parts when I come back. I'm trying to be careful not to bitch about the "9 to 5" but it's hard when it is taking a lot of time away from why I came out here.

I want to go to Disneyland, Sea World, Vegas, San Diego Zoo, Knott's Berry Farm, Vegas, Legoland, Catalina, Channel Islands, Big Bear, Vegas, San Francisco, Vegas, to name a few.

I thought I'd have all these places conquered by now. Ha.

There's still plenty of hot air and miles of roadway before I can't go anywhere.

Thought of the Day

How unfortunate real life doesn't move at the speed of a writer crafting his composition. How much violence would be thwarted. How much less accidents would occur. How many relationships would be saved. How much more common sense people would have. If we had time to find the right words.